Bugs

Sean emailed me today. Bugs has died. Sean said he passed away in his sleep, he was only three and a half years old. Earlier this year he was apparently diagnosed with a heart murmur so Sean said that he thought his heart had finally given out on him. I asked Sean to get the vet to do an autopsy, but it's too late because Sean's already buried his body in the woods. It's very hard to believe this because Bugs was such a young and very fit cat. He would run rings around all of my other cats. Bugs and Fats would really go for it sometimes, chasing around in the garden, it was an even match between them, Fats only held his own because of his sheer bulk (14lbs), Bugs was lightening quick. In his last year, Sean said he even became quite an accomplished hunter, bringing home all manner of small creatures from the woods at the back of Sean's house.

When Sean and I broke up, I wanted to keep Bugs myself, but Bugs was another thing that Sean stole from my life. I never even got to say a proper goodbye to that little cat. I remember when Sean had banished me to sleeping on the kids bunk beds in the spare room and I was really miserable and suicidal, that little cat would sleep with me, and try to comfort me by playing with me by poking his feet though the empty bed frame above me at me, teasing me to grab at him. He was even a bigger comfort to me at that time than my beloved Jade.

I remember he was outside on the wall at the end of the yard and I said a quick goodbye to him while I was loading up the car to come down to Cornwall for a short break. I didn't imagine at the time that I would not be going back, and ultimately that I would never see him again.

I have kept a lot of text messages from about that time on my phone. I kept them as evidence of Sean's bullying and threatening behaviour for legal reasons. Even after the house was sold and things were settled, I still haven't deleted them as I don't want to lose those memories of those horrible times. One of the oldest is dated 22nd April 2004, . Sean said "Unless I hear from you by Monday saying when you are coming back I am going to find homes for all the cats". It was pure blackmail which translated as: "come back so I can bully you even more about selling your home or the cats will be gone by the time you come back".

On receipt of this text I got a copy of my front door key made and sent it to a friend asking him to collect Jade and Bugs from the house. The only reason I have Jade with me now is because he let himself be picked up by my friend and so was taken away to safety, where I was later able to reclaim him a few months later when I was more settled. Bugs had other ideas, threw a panicked fit and ran from his arms, so my friend let him be.

I went back to collect Bugs myself in June at the time of my Aunt's Funeral. This was only a week after actually finding somewhere to live (you don't want to know how I'd been living up until then, but it did include sleeping in the car at times), where I could house Bugs safely, (Jade was still safe with my friend at this time). But Sean refused to give him up to me, or to tell me where he was living, he even lied to me, deliberately throwing me off the scent telling me that he was renting a flat in Lesley Place in Maidstone where we used to live together before we bought our house. Sean wouldn't even speak to me at the time I phoned him to reclaim Bugs while outside Lesley Place, he just gave an exasperated sigh and hung up his phone.

I remember phoning his friend Simon and asking him where Sean was now living, but he wouldn't give up the address (for after going to Lesley Place and realising that I'd been duped, I recalled Sean mentioning about renting a house in Vinter's Park off Simon's father who was a property magnate) and said that it was my fault that Sean had taken everything and the cats because I wasn't there. My instincts were correct though, I got Spud's girlfriend to drive me around the Vinter's Park estate where Sean now lives. I guess it was just unfortunate that I didn't spot his car around parked on the driveway or something or I could have had Bugs back with me now, and I could have shared the last 20 months of his life with him.

As soon as I had my own home again, where I wouldn't be evicted by the Landlord for having too many cats (it was difficult enough to find anywhere to live which would accept even one cat - where I live now is not good either, it's way too small and there's no kitchen - I'm looking for something better and have been for the last year I've been here, in fact, the only reason I stay here is because of the large safe garden for Jade and the house is in a cul-de-sac which makes it doubly safe for Jade to roam while I'm out at work all day), I always intended to go back to Sean's house, camp out in those woods and "Cat Nap" Bugs, as Sean clearly wouldn't give him up to me. That opportunity is now passed forever.

Bye Bye Bugs, you most precotious of all the cats I've ever owned, and stop buggering the bunnies while you wait for me on the Rainbow Bridge, I'll be there soon.

RIP Major Tom
4 May 2002 - 13 December 2005

I've posted some photos of happier times with him below.